This is February?

It’s supposed to get close to 80 degrees today. I’m taking my boyfriend to the park. He’s new to the area and hasn’t been there before. It’s going to be a pretty day. But really, 80 degrees in February? Enjoy the sunshine when it comes. Enjoy the rain, too.

Make the most of whatever comes your way. Being happy is not dependent on the weather. It is a choice. I realized this a long time ago. Some people are miserable no matter how good things may be in their lives. Job, home, car, family, friends, food, clothes, kids, pets, vacation. They can have all of these things and still not be happy. While there are people who may not have half that and be happy all the time.

Some people seem to enjoy complaining. They enjoy finding the negative in a situation, in other people, finding something to degrade in other people. I’ve found that it means they are usually unhappy about something with themselves. It’s not something they would ever admit, not even to themselves late at night after a lot of drinks. But I can tell when I look at them. It’s written all over them. They wear it like an old coat that smells of moth balls and mildew.

Make a choice to look for the positive in each situation. Choose to make the best decision for yourself regardless to what others think. Choose to be proactive with your own happiness. Finding happiness can be a lot closer than you think. Yes, this is February. Let’s go dance in the sunshine.

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Winter is here

It is that time of year when the air is crisp. Everyone hurries to get inside and nobody3drq8hc wants to go out. We all want to get stuff done and go home to try to warm up. We try to plan so we can be exposed to the cold as little as possible.

But the Earth needs that cold. We need it to kill off germs and overpopulated bugs and make the spring a little nicer. We need to go through the rough spots. It’s how we learn to appreciate the better times.

I have recently realized how far I’ve come in my decision-making processes. I don’t enjoy those rough spots but I recognize that sometimes they are necessary to get me to the next bright spot. It’s how I grow as a person. It’s called maturity, emotional and spiritual. And that’s important. I gave up on established religion a long time ago, disillusioned with the whole deal. I prefer to find my own path. And it continues to amaze me. That is why this recent growth spurt has been a good one.

I have made some tough decisions that needed made. Yes, I should have made them sooner but I did make them. Timing is always an issue but I’m getting better at that, too. At least I did make the choice to make the first move this time. I didn’t wait. I didn’t hesitate. I got tired of waiting and did something about it. My happiness is in my hands. I get to say what magic happens. And the new decisions are leading to some promising new magic. I’m looking forward to it. So bring on the winter.

Sifting through the ashes

Most of us have had some experience with loss. Fires, tornadoes and hurricanes, deaths of loved ones, deaths of relationships. Loss comes in many forms. Sometimes the healing is fairly quick. But some wounds are deceptive in how deep they really go. You may think you’re over it, but then something new happens and you realize that there are some lingering issues. What do you do?

I’ve realized over the last few days that I have some leftover damage from a past relationship. So what am I doing? Sifting through the ashes of the past and looking at what’s happening and what I feel about it. Here’s the truth of it: the other person in my life now is not doing anything different now than he was when we started this whole thing almost a year ago; his behavior is consistent. I’m the one having issues. I’m the one having doubts and second guessing myself.

the_phoenix_rise_by_amorphisss-d34q7w8Wait….did I say “I” was second guessing “myself?” Yes, I did and that’s an important distinction. I recognized a few days ago that the problem is that I’m afraid. It’s truly not anything the other person is doing. I’ve struggled for a long time with fear of failure/success. It applies to relationships, too. I’m just now realizing how much it applies. I’m afraid of making a mistake, afraid of losing someone that’s important to me, afraid to trust him because of the behavior of someone who is long gone from my life. That’s not fair to me or to him.

Okay, so what do I do now that I’ve dug through the ashes and gotten my hands all dirty? Wash away all the residue of the past. Let go of the emotional baggage that’s weighing me down and just enjoy myself and this relationship for what it is. It’s not easy, but it’s worth the effort.