Social Anxiety, Kind of

I had to go out yesterday. I’ve only been out of the house maybe four times in the last month. I have asthma and I am at high risk for catching the coronavirus. The last time I had to go to a doctor appointment they gave me a mask to wear inside the building. I was very nervous being out and the mask did not help that. It was hot and made it hard to breathe. Not a good thing when you already have breathing issues. 

Do I look nervous? I feel nervous…

This trip out I was going to an area hospital for my monthly injection. It’s a shot to help with my asthma and dermatographia. (That’s the skin reactions that causes everything to look like a rashy writing on the skin.) Almost everyone in the hospital was wearing a mask. I was not offered one when I went in, though they did check my temperature. The nurse that took me back asked if I wanted a mask. I declined. 

As I stood in the elevator with her and then followed her down the hall, I realized that the mask would not alleviate my anxiety. The mask alone was not going to do anything. It was simply the fact that I was outside among other people. We don’t have enough people getting tested yet, not enough effective testing. And there is no herd immunity yet. It’s too soon. And too many people still don’t understand the importance of simply staying inside and washing their hands. 

I know the weather is getting nicer and people want to enjoy it. Kids want to play outside and adults want them to. But we have to be smart. I know as a group that is hard. People as a group are stupid as cattle. Individuals are smart.

We need to think like individuals and act as a group. Maybe, if we can learn to act smarter, we won’t become a virus ourselves. Like so many before us. 

With a little help from my friends

My nerves have been a bit frayed today. For all sorts of reasons that I’ll spare you. Several times today I’ve been tempted to put on my headphones and blast some heavy metal music. Just block out the world. But something always stopped me for one reason or another.

Finally, I reached my limit tonight. I put on my headphones and found myself not with screaming guitars in my ears but a familiar meditation playing. I like Native American music for meditating. Drums and flutes, mostly. It’s either light and airy or deep and earthy. Sometimes with the tinkling sounds of water or the rumble of thunder mixed in.

I let the music play while finished what I was stitching on a crochet project for the day. A new design I’m working on. I drew it out this morning and started on it after breakfast. It’s coming along nicely. But I needed that music tonight.

I haven’t meditated in way too long. I learned how several years ago after the death of my mother. It’s what got me through it. Helped me through a lot of emotional upheavals. Not sure why I hadn’t thought to do it before now. Caught up in all the news broadcasts I guess. That whole “not seeing the forest for the trees” thing.

Just the little bit of time I was plugged into the music seemed to help a bit. It’s important to take time for ourselves and to focus on our mental health. Especially now when the entire world is in an upheaval. There is so much stress over every little thing. Remember to take a deep breath, don’t hold it. Relax your shoulders. Give yourself a hug.

Dark :30

It’s late. Yeah, I know. But I made it. I’m back again. I have completed two projects today. And I did the boring paperwork thing I hate doing. It got done in between the two projects. I made myself do it before I started on the second project to make sure I got it done. That way starting on the project felt more like a reward for getting the paperwork out of the way.

I even got some filing put away. I guess today was about finishing things. Not too bad for a Monday. With the world on lock-down, finding a way to feel like I’m accomplishing something is a good way to put the anxiety on the back burner. Kind of surprising considering how much news I actually watched today. But let’s not talk about that. I already have a headache.

Let’s talk about the cute Fennec fox I crocheted today. He’s adorable and cuddly. I also finished a scarf. I love to crochet. Probably why I’ve been doing it for well over 30 years. I’ll save those stories for my other blog. That to-do list will get tackled tomorrow. But for now, I think I’ve accomplished enough for today. Now for some sleep. Sweet dreams…

Well, this is interesting.

I’ve been looking for some writing mojo for a long time. Life seemed to be knocking the steam out of my writing. After a good writing buddy died, I just could not find the words or the will to look for them. After getting some more stability in my life, the words still eluded me.

Recently, I left a message for a friend who was struggling with her writing during the CoVid-19 pandemic. Stress is a bitch. Let’s be honest. We all get stressed. It hits us in different ways. Apparently, as I get older I hyper focus. Yesterday I spent the day working jigsaw puzzles and listening to classic rock music. I must have needed it.

Today there are words. I’m here writing. And I can feel more words just under the surface. I don’t what they are, what they will lead to. Will they be another blog, a short story, a poem? I have no idea. But there are words. So I’m sitting here sharing some with you while I binge watch sharks on TV. Because I need those, too.

It’s been a while…

I haven’t been here in a long time. I owe myself an apology for that. I started blogging many moons ago as a way to purge a backlog of emotions and vent about the world in general. The blog grew into a lot more than that. Probably why I’ve kept it for so long. It’s migrated to a new platform and changed names. But I still keep coming back, even when I’ve been gone for a while. No matter how long it has been. So I’m sorry it has been so long this time.

The world is upside down right now. The CoVid-19 pandemic is everywhere, except Antarctica. I hope they like eating fish. A lot of my friends, both local and online, are dealing with changes to their lives. Loss of work, working from home, kids trying to do online school. I have a friend waiting for a test result. I have been staying home because I am high risk with my asthma. I try not to watch too much news. It’s bad for my blood pressure. They start repeating themselves after a bit anyway.

It saddens me to see so many artists dying from the virus. We need artists. I know the virus does not discriminate. But why can’t it take some politicians? We don’t need as many of those. They need to be culled now and then to remind them they are not invincible. We already know most of them are inhuman. That’s why we need more artists.

I read this morning of the passing of Bill Withers. It wasn’t from the virus but still. Another legend has left us. I get the feeling today is going to require a lot of music. I already have my headphones on…